I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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