My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
