and you said cock pushups were impossible
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
