Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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