so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
