I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
