So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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