he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
