i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
