she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize