the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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