I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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