Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
