I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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