What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
