i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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