This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
