friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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