we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
