I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
