When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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