kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
