It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize