im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Semen is not good for contacts.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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