At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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