3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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