he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
too bad you live with your parents still
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
