oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
