He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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