I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
