do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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