So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
