Sponge bath it is.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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