Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
