I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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