I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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