Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
