I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
