Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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