I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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