and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
They took my balls.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
