Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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