i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
