I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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