Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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