I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
