Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
