I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
