I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
