I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
