I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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