Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
