I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
