Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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