My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Dick very happy bro
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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