My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
