I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
