so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize