i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
