So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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