I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
