Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
