I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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