Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
