why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
