he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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