Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
