I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
