i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
