Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
