As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
