and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize